Wednesday, December 31, 1969
BIG NEWS!
Big news! Ryan Shupe and the RubberBand is happy to announce a change in line-up: Bart Olson, veteran RS&RB drummer, has moved on to greener pastures, and the band has recruited drummer Nate Smeding to fill the throne. Now, you’re wondering how this happened? I’ll tell you:
In 2002 RS&RB Technologies, Inc., began Project B.A.R.T., the Biologically Advanced Rhythm Technician. BART was a great success, and so long as he was fed, rested, and periodically synced to the bands customized Play Station 3, he operated flawlessly, drumming behind the RubberBand for nearly 10 years. With periodic mods and upgrades, BART advanced from a level 3 drummer to a level 10 drummer/percussionist/fiddler with advanced foosball skills and Hungarian Mod. What none of us expected to happen, though, was that he would gain enough intelligence to desire the autonomy to pursue other career options. Bart will be sorely missed, and we wish him all the best. Seriously.
Please note: Bart has reported that after many years of perfecting his methods, he is now prepared to allow a select few (no more than 10) students to learn his advanced drumming techniques. He is accepting applications from potential students at: bartjolson@gmail.com.
So back to the lab! Donning our lab coats, we reopened RS&RB Technologies, Inc., and began designing BART’s replacement, N.A.T.E. NATE, the Neurologically Automated Tempo Engine, is the next step in simulated-drummer technology. After dozens of failed attempts at developing the ideal drummer (NATE v.4 overturned Shupe’s car, NATE v.17 would only play polkas, NATE v.43 wouldn’t shut up…) He’s punctual, agreeable, smiley, smells decent, and hits the drums like that’s all he was ever designed to do, which of course it is.
So there’s the news! Look for the upcoming documentary “N.A.T.E. – Designing the Neurologically Automated Tempo Engine” on a YouTube near you. And of course, come to a show and see him in action!
